


Intimacy ( Len's POV )

by goldenappled



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Chronos aftermath, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forehead Touching, Healing, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 02:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10709955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenappled/pseuds/goldenappled
Summary: Because y'all requested this but also this work was a team effort with lilcucumber from our adventures writing about these two. I provided Len's POV but if you haven't read Mick's POV it can be found here:  http://archiveofourown.org/works/10669221This is my first fanfic && my first time actually getting my lazy ass to write on here specifically so I hope you enjoyed!





	Intimacy ( Len's POV )

It’s the first time they’ve tried being intimate since Mick's return. Trying to go back to the way things were, to salvage what ever was left, to what they had before everything went to shit. The biggest problem between the pair has been trust; Mick’s memories still had to be sorted out some, some of his behaviors and instincts were different too; he had not only threatened Leonard but he did so by stating he’d kill Lisa. Repeatedly. Brainwashed, sure, they both knew that but that doesn’t mean it’s any easier for Leonard to hear the words his partner had said or see that look in his eyes again. Mick understood, just as Leonard had, that it would take work on both their parts to be okay again. Trust was the stability in any relationship, without it there was no reason to even pursue what they were trying to make work. Though they have reached some sort of agreement, Leonard still finds himself worrying over what next Mick will end up using against him. He’s used their past experiences and used it against him, threw it in his goddamn face time and time again as Chronos and Snart had taken it not without a bite in turn but he was trying his best to make this work. Because he _needed_ to make this work, for both their sakes. Though he could do fine and well on his own, it had always been the road not less travelled but being the most loneliest road to tread his foot upon and never again did he want to take that route. He was lost without his partner and he never wanted to feel that ever again. So long as Mick keeps trying, so will he.

But it’s been getting worse. And the words _you’re just like your father_ kept ringing in his ears. One of these days he knows that with time he’ll be able to forgive Mick for all the ugliness that his partner has said to him but that didn’t necessarily mean he would _forget_. He wished he could just let it slide, build up his cold walls and be emotionless to all this like he’s always tend to do but he can’t. He’s far too _deep_ in now, there was no going back. No taking the reins on this one and manipulating it to his needs. Not that he’d ever attempt that, since he was trying to be a better person for Mick. For _himself_. But well. Old habits die hard and once words are uttered, they can’t be taken back either and that’s what they’ve both learnt in their time against one another. He still hasn’t forgiven Mick for what was said but he’s willing to put it behind him for now. Only intending on throwing words in his partner’s face if the other casts the first stone. Which Mick hasn't done as of yet. At least, there was that. But to be honest, Len was going to call all this off. Knowing that Mick wasn’t ready. In all honesty he couldn’t be. But because Mick gave his okay, he wanted to give the other a chance to prove himself. To have a little _faith_ in his partner when he said he was ready. But Snart realized how stupid he was to listen to Mick because the next second and he was looking back into different eyes. Chronos’s eyes.

Something in his partner _snapped,_ something he _did_ and suddenly Leonard felt a wave of _fear_ strike him. The mere mention of Chronos still sends unwanted shivers down his spine. To look into unfamiliar eyes now, he barely had the time to react because his partner shoved him off with a roar of, _**(** _ "Get off me! Get off!" _**)**_ , like .. Suddenly, then, he felt cold. And not the usual kind that he’s comfortable with. Sitting now on the edge of the bed, growing distant, Leonard held his arms tight to his chest closing himself off from the other as he spoke clear enough, _ **(**_ “Do you need me to leave.” _ **)**_ He knows he must have done something wrong for Mick to react so violently towards him. It doesn’t really matter if he did or not because Len finds himself emotionally getting further and further away from Mick. His cold walls building themselves high- not higher than ever before but slowly. Leonard wished he could say he was alright with all this but he wasn’t. It wasn’t just hard on his partner, it was hard on himself too. Not knowing what the right or wrong thing to do was .. It was really frustrating. And he wanted to be with Mick one hundred percent but sometimes he has to take a break to give himself some breathing room and to allow himself to heal, that was one of the things he agreed to do because the other insisted he do just that. He’s still trying to move on from what Chronos had said and done to him, but he also feels guilty for taking that time for himself because he thinks he’s being selfish for doing so.

Mick needed him. He’s not exactly sure how his partner was going about the whole remembering their past as it really was and Len didn’t really know how to approach the subject. Because he’s pretty sure he’ll only make it much _worse_. It almost felt like Mick just wanted to forget everything they had together and it hurt something deep in his soul. Mick doesn’t talk much nowadays but he’ll be the shoulder his partner needs to lean on. That’s really all he can think to offer. But again, because of how the other had startled him just moments ago Leonard can’t help how distant he’s become now. There were so many things rolling around in his head and helplessness was one of those feelings he had. Helpless to help his partner. Not knowing what to do or say to make things better … He never was one for _touchy feely_ after all. Though he’s gotten just a fraction bit better at it, he’s still learning. They both are. But as it is, right now Len didn’t very much feel like being touched or _to touch_ right now because of what just happened. If he turned around and looked at Mick, he’d see that emotion in his eyes. That fleeting moment of realization that he thought Len was there to hurt him. Snart isn’t going to risk it. Not right now. Not when it was breaking him in a million pieces like ice shattered. He’s silent for a long while as he just stares in the open space in front of himself. At war with his own mind. Knowing he’s not doing enough for Mick. _Never enough_ , his father is yelling in his head. Mick answers him quickly. _**(**_ "No .. No, I just-" _ **)**_ as Mick tries to grab his bearings, Leonard thinks to himself that at least his partner didn't want him to leave. That he was trying to make sense of his head right now.

Then a question was asked of him. _**(** _ "You okay?" _**)**   _Snart tilts his head to the side as he nudges his neck against his shoulder in that way he always does when he’s vulnerable as he is. It took him awhile before he then finally answers with a lie. _**(**_ “Yeah ..” _**)**   _Some days he was afraid of what his partner would end up saying. Not in the sense that he would instigate the other to say anything in whatever conversation they would have but in the sense that Mick might say something further to hurt him. In _spite_ of him. Like Chronos did with ease but he knows that’s unfair of him to assume the worse of Mick. He didn’t deserve any of that. To be singled out and ignored like everyone is tend to do which is why Leonard is here. To familiarize Mick. He’s the only one Mick really talks to even when they first started on this journey, it was always just the two of them. Looking out for each other, cooling down some when they needed it- though it was mostly just his pyromaniac buddy that needed to simmer down but point still stands. Mick had only ever been on _his_ team. Not Rip’s. Nobody but his own. It’s always been that way and he would have it no other way. But they’re miles apart as much as they were still in sync with one another. Things were just .. _Complicated_. This Team was what had complicated their already complicated relationship and that’s something he knows he’ll definitely never forgive. He’s been thinking about this long and hard. To high tail it out of here. Jump ship. With Mick in tow. Start a new life. Go back to central city and never see any of these people ever again. But. He knew they had to finish this mission first.

Which he’s beginning to realize is never going to reach a conclusion any time soon because Vandal Savage keeps slipping through their goddamn fingers. He was sick and tired of it all. Tired of tiptoeing with Mick. Tired of being uncertain when it came to his partner… He’d always been the one who took the shots, knew exactly what he had to do in every situation that presented itself to him. But not here. Not with everything that’s happened. Everything happened for the worse and it felt like they were hanging on a cliff that was already on the verge of collapse. They were on a very _thin_ line here and Len isn’t sure they’ll get past this. It all seemed so damn bleak. But the challenging part with him was that Leonard was a fighter. So he would fight for Mick with every fiber of his being. Even to his last dying breath if it ever came to that. Though their situation looked pathetically fragile .. Leonard just couldn’t turn his back on his partner like he’s done so many times before. No. Never again. Mick manages to give him words and Len’s head jerks at somewhat of attention. Not turning to face him just yet. Though he could see him in the corner of his eye.

He averts his eyes when Mick expresses, _**(**_   " 's not your fault, y'know.” _ **)** _  Snart strictly answers in a softer tone than before almost in a whisper, _ **(**_ “Don’t start.” _ **)**_ He knows where Mick is going with this and he’s going to refuse to take the bait. Yes, it was all his fault and there’s nothing the other could say to make him forgive himself. He’s just glad Mick didn’t end up nudging him on the shoulder and lay a kind hand on him because otherwise he would’ve just pulled away. Snart doesn’t cry. And he isn’t right now though his eyes are stinging just a tinge. But the only and last time he cried was when his mother left them. Lewis was a complete nutcase and that’s why she abandoned him and his sister. Leonard doesn’t blame her for that. Not then and not now because he knew. Psychologically he figures this is why he leaves people closest to him. Because it’s not just because he knew they weren’t going to last but because he was afraid of having too good a thing. Like his mother. She ended up leaving. Why else do you think he leaves Mick as much as he does? Because he’s afraid to lose him and so he has to prove that he _can_  lose him. To make it hurt less. Or so that's the lie he tells himself. Leonard disassociates in the worst possible way because of how his life had turned out. He knows it’s unfair of him to hurt Mick time and time again but it’s like he _can’t_ stop. Or maybe it’s that he doesn’t _want_ to. Either way, he knows he’s no good for Mick. He tries his hardest but was it maybe all just .. A waste of Mick’s time? He knows his partner needs him and he’s expressed as much but .. Well. At this point, he just shakes his head in dismay because he doesn’t know what to think any more. It was all just so confusing in his head right now. He really doesn’t know what Mick needs from him.

Nobody has ever really understood the going on's in his head. From an extent, his partner somehow managed to but he never really had a firm grasp on the big picture. Hardly thinks Mick ever really did but he knows his past. From the abuse, it had twisted Len into somebody even he doesn’t like. To be filled with so much anger, so much hatred, if he’s being completely honest with himself it wasn’t met with any satisfaction. Having such terrible thoughts in defiance because he thinks it’s to get back at his father in a weird way. To prove to his deceased parent that he can have happiness when in the past any form of happiness he ever took for himself was taken away by the bastard. Years and years of suffering of brainwashing in a way, his father had seeped into his personality and this is when he realized happiness was never meant for someone such as himself. He was too ugly inside. It was too late for him. Being spiteful and full of such hatred towards everything is just so exhausting and he just wants everything to fizz out. Snart brought nothing to this world and he most certainly _aint no hero_. For a moment he entertained the idea that maybe he could erase himself from all existence. If Mick didn’t know him, he’d be at peace. Probably. _Can’t miss what you never had_. Snart wonders if Gideon has that ability but it’s a distant thought because he’s not so sure he’d be able to take anything from Mick even if given the opportunity. He’s not so sure if it was love but it sure as hell felt like it. Because even if there was little trust nowadays, he would still do just about anything for Mick. It doesn’t matter what happens, he’d still take a bullet for the guy.

Honestly, he doesn’t ever want to live in a world where there’s no Mick Rory. He’d know what to do with himself it’s just .. He’d be terribly lonely. Not something he’s ever looking forward to. He had trusted Mick before. He’s just wondering what it’s going to take _now_ to reach that same level of trustworthiness. He doesn’t know if they can. Not sure if Mick’s sure he even wants to take that long ride to redeem himself but well. And it’s not just the guilt that has a vicing grip on the younger man. He’s here because Mick has always been there for him. This wasn’t about the younger repaying years of debts. No, far from it. For once in his life he wanted to return the sentiment. Not that he hasn’t before but he doesn’t do it as often as he should. Because he was a terrible person back then. Now still is but he’s now fully aware of it and cares about bettering himself for not just for the people he loves but himself, too. He knew he couldn’t go on like this. Leonard just can’t believe it took betrayal to get him to understand this. He doesn’t want to be at odds with Mick but it was hard not to be. His partner shifts to the opposite side of the bed and that’s when Len takes the chance to turn and look in Mick’s general direction. Sorrowful eyes watching the others back as he tries to say something but it gets caught in his throat and so he breathes through his nose in discontent. Lips tightly closed as his partner goes on to tell him, **(** “Not starting anything. Just…I didn’t freak out because of you. Thought you should know.” **)** , but then the gears are turning in Len's head and twisting everything to the old ways. To the old behavior because he doesn’t know how else to be. Being absolutely terrible was all he ever really knew.

 _ **(**   _“We both know that’s a lie.” _ **)**_ , Snart shot at Mick as he stared his partner’s back down. Knowing it was only inevitable that Mick was to turn around. Mick wasn't offering anything; frustration more like as he watches the other run his hand over his scalp and then to the nape of his neck. Trying just as hard, if not more, to figure out what was to be done. The moment his body laid on him earlier that triggered the other was the moment something switched on in Mick's head, wasn’t it? So yes, the fault was solely his own. When they first agreed to this, Leonard knew the risks. Knew what was most likely to happen. He chose this anyways. Because he knew he could protect himself if it ever came down to it. Knew the risks just as much as he knew somehow he could reach his partner. Mick just startled him is all. But he’s slowly getting a grip of himself. He’s not thinking to try anything again unless that’s what his partner wants or needs. Maybe Len was dumb. Maybe not. Who knew. Only time will tell. Mick finally tries again, **(** “Wasn’t you.  Was your weigh on me.  The worst was done strapped down to a chair.  Wrists, ankles, chest.  I didn’t even know it’d set me off, so it ain’t your fault.” _ **)** _ That's when Mick turned his head to look at him and that's when their eyes locked.

 Leonard's brows knitted together at this new bit of information. _ **(** _ “So .. What. I shouldn’t touch you?” _**)**_   Was that really what his partner was saying? The whole reason why they were even sharing this bed right now was because his partner had expressed wanting this form of intimacy. Mick always did make everything _hot and steamy_ and the attraction they had for one another was no different. So now with this turn of events, he can understand if the other doesn’t want him to touch him. Snart was always the one who respected a persons boundaries. Not just because he’s had experience in touches that were none all too kind and so never wanted to be seen the same as his father but because Mick has always respected him. Giving him space when he needed it, not inquiring about anything if there was something Leonard didn’t want to talk about. Their trust might have fizzled out some but their _respect_ for one another, that never changed. He was thankful for this. So if this was the case with Mick, that same respect would take place here but it also would disappoint him. Because is this really what they’re going to be now? Afraid of one another’s touch? No .. Len didn’t want that and from the look on his partner's face, neither did he. Leonard found comfort in this. He defiantly refused to let fear rule him, so he took a stab in the dark and risked his safety just so he could prove a point. If Mick ended up striking him, then so be it. He could take a couple rounds of fists.

_****_

Shifting in the bed, he moved close to his partner. With one leg folded and the other straightening across the bed behind Mick, he made himself comfortable near his partner. Fit himself in his lover's space. Drove his point home as he softly touched his partner’s forearm giving it a light squeeze and imploring eyes searching his partner’s own. Urging him, _**(**_ “What do you want to do, Mick?” _ **)**_   Len really hopes the other won’t close himself off from speaking his mind like he’s tend to do. He sympathizes with Mick, he really does, but this silence is getting them nowhere and they need to take action if they’re ever to get past this mental block they both have. Didn’t need to talk feelings or anything like that just .. They needed to do something about it. And with the way Mick was indecisive over what he wanted to say, it seems he knew this too. Leonard asked in a softer more _intimate_ tone, _**(**_ “What do you _need_?” _ **)**_ He was usually good at giving his partner what he needed even if it was destructive. In the past, it was getting them out of dangerous situations or giving his partner in crime _opportunities_ where he could light things up on fire. It was very important that Mick was happy because when he’s not he gets more than heated and when that happens, things tend to turn out badly. He was usually good at using his partner’s destructive tendencies and control it with this or that thing. As long as it was concentrated, it could be handled with a little bit of self-control. Len is thinking Mick’s PTSD could be handled the same way.

_****_

If Mick trusted him. But knowing they are in much lack of that nowadays, he’s going to start off small. Whatever Mick needs, he’ll get. Right now, Leonard needed to be strong for the both of them. To _take charge_ because Mick never was one to do so. Avoidance will get them nowhere. Leonard would have to be completely oblivious not to realize what was going on with his partner, internally. The Time Bastard’s had taken what was his, twisted Mick into someone he hadn’t recognized and spit him out just the same. Leaving him no choice but to pick up the pieces. The pieces that are temporarily missing. Which Len is destined to find and reconstruct his partner. To find old parts of himself. For just about anyone, they wouldn’t even bother going through this for another. Too tedious to bother at all. But what most people don’t have is Snart’s determination and passion for someone he’s been with for a little over thirty years. You can’t just give up on someone who you’ve created memories with for that long extent of time. Eventually that person will mean the world to you. It’s not like they can just walk out of each others lives and feel whole or not changed. No .. They’ve been partner’s too long. Without his friend and lover, he felt like something was missing. As if he wasn’t content and whole so much anymore even though he knows he’s already whole and doesn’t need any one person to look to and depend upon. But Mick has been too major an influence on him that any absence didn’t sit well with him. Unsettling. Disquieting. And that’s a fact.

_****_

He notices the nights when Mick leaves their bedroom just to collect his thoughts. Mick might not notice it or maybe he does and just doesn’t say anything but every single time Leonard is fully aware when his partner gets up. Living the life he had, it’s made him out to be a light sleeper so it doesn’t take much to rouse him. It probably stems from the times when Lewis would snatch him up and abuse him on drunked nights. He’d of course tried to lock his bedroom door a couple times but that plan had backfired and the next day, his father took his bedroom door off its hinges so there was nothing separating him from his son. Instinctively, Snart was ready for danger at every second of every day after that. He didn’t always know how to handle it until he took full stock of the situation so he had a better understanding but well. This has turned Len into a light sleeper. So yes, he blinks into the darkness, watching after his partner as he leaves the room every goddamn time. He wished he could do more for Mick. Wished he could just be enough for him but knows that’s nothing but a ridiculous notion. Too much has happened, too much has changed. Len has changed. No longer was he just a criminal like his partner wants. He might not want to be a hero but he’s definitely changed into something more than just a crook.

_****_

Len’s still not sure what but what he does know is that Mick hadn’t been happy with this change. Isn’t so sure if Mick has accepted this about him yet. Wished he would but well. Winners can’t be choosers. In the past, he’s known his partner on an intimate level. No, not in the sexual sense but rather what Mick had rolling around in his head. Fire, sure. Violence, no doubt. But what he always _knew_ was his partner’s actions, why he would do things and knew just what he himself would have to do to sate Mick’s every need. And this includes knowing just about everything there was to know about the guy who he’s sworn his life to. It always seemed like he knew Mick’s every thought pattern and what lead him to do things but that was more just Snart being very observant of his friend. He reads body language, facial expressions and predetermined actions. Now is really no different except now he’s somewhat hesitant with Mick. And distant as is his every right to be. Considering what happened between them and being conditioned by Mick to be treated none too kindly after their heart to heart where it lead to fists flying and hurtful words burrowing into his very soul. And the distance Mick put between them when they were on that mission to the wild west. It wounded him but ridding that from his mind now.

_****_

Who really mattered was Mick, not himself. What Mick needed was to remember the good times. Not the bad. This is Leonard's attempt and he knows he’s doing an alright job at it. Getting Mick to remember them as they were. The things that the Time Master’s couldn’t twist unrecognizably. No, from what he’s seeing right now, they didn't even get their grubby hands on those memories of Len’s intimacy with his partner. What he imagines they didn’t anyways. Because Mick accepted his simple touch. It grounded Mick and that’s what Leonard’s shooting for right now. Mick finally answers him with, _ **(** _ "I don't know." _ **)**_ and Len ends up looking down for a moment with a weak smile. Contemplating with himself for a moment as he figures what he can say in light of things. Mick reassures him with, _**(**_ “But this isn’t bad.” _ **)** _ A wave of relief washes over him, then, at the words. This was good. They were on the right track again. Leonard begins to say as he strokes his palm over the length of Mick’s arm, _**(** _ “Well. Once you figure it out, you’ll let me know, right?” _ **)**_ That’s when he looks up kindly at the other and reaches with his free hand, lightly cupping the nape of his partner’s neck. Drawing the other close and pressing their foreheads together in this tender moment. To be honest here, sex wasn’t a part of his end game in the slightest. Sure, things would get _heated_ and if Mick ended up taking it further where they were at each others mercy,  making little sounds that he himself never would have let escape his mouth, then he certainly wasn’t going to complain. But he knew somehow it wasn’t ever going to come to that. Not because he’d already figured Mick would do something undesirable but because Len himself wasn’t ready to give his body to his partner just yet.

_****_

He just wasn’t of the mind set to give his all to Mick. He’d hurt him, was still working through some things on his own. And though he was here helping his lover, not once has he ever thought Mick would have the urge to help him. Or reassure him of things that he’d said that were hurtful from their heart to heart. No. Len didn’t expect an apology from Mick because that just wasn’t the way they went about things. That and Mick was already too self involved in worrying about what was going on in his own head, so it was really just a matter of priorities. His partner never was good at keeping track of things. Knows it’s not because he doesn’t care to. It’s just his friend was simple. Had only the attention span of so much that he can handle when he’s battling everything within himself and he didn’t like confrontation when it had anything to do with feelings. The only exceptions were if he was really angry about something and ended up lashing out. Irrelevant because that’s not what’s taking place here. So he understands but he’s not going to give himself to Mick so easily. Making out was only a starting point and if it went any further, he’d have to stop Mick there because he’s not ready. Not sure when he will be unless their situation changes but he’s not going to hold his breath for that. Because it’s going to be a long haul. That and he has to consider the possibility that things just might _not_ change. Even in this soft moment, it only budged Len’s situation marginally. For Mick, it gave him much more leeway to healing because Len was a smooth talker and with the way his partner was reacting to him, leaning into his touch, he knows this to be true.

_****_

When Mick moves a hand to take a firm hold on him, he mentally sighs in comfort. He doesn’t know why he finds the touch so comforting. Maybe because its been so long since his partner has actually touched him. True, what was years to Mick was only days to Leonard but well before then, Mick had been upset with him because of future star city and that also meant that he hasn’t been touched by Mick ever since. There was also the nasty business of a woman hanging around his partner’s arm during their time there. He’s not sure if this was just some jealousy tactic the other tried to pull but it hadn’t worked. He remembers all the times he would reach out to Mick, nag him when he would refuse to talk to him. Always asking Mick where exactly he thought he was going when he’d storm off.  _Being ignored_ never was his strong suit and so he would always make Mick pay attention to him either way. But it’s the way Mick would guilt trip him in the end that would silence him. _For a time_. And then would start Snart’s distance with his partner because he gave Mick his alone time. Thinking that _at the time_ , Mick would get over himself when in reality .. He never really did, did he? It’s probably what lead him to betray their whole crew.

_****_

He now knows he should’ve made it up to Mick but .. Well, it was too late now. What’s done is done. No use dwelling on what if’s and could have been’s. What mattered now was that he was trying this time around. Not ignoring Mick’s needs. Not relying on the idea that Mick _will just have to get through this on his own_ and be right as rain if he just gives him time alone. No. Mick needed him now more than he’s ever needed him before. Or would ever let himself express. So Len wasn’t one to shy away from taking the reins on this one. Because there won’t be any progress, otherwise. His partner never was good at doing things on his own. Always needed someone to _guide_ him in the right direction. Mick raises a hand to do the same as Leonard had moments ago, cupping his neck in confirmation. Foreheads still nuzzled together, Leonard softly smiles into the touch for as long as Mick will allow. It really has been so long so that he now finds himself _melting_ into the touch. Shoulder’s relaxing, eye lids closing as he revels in the feeling of Mick’s hold on him. It _grounded_ him, let him know that they had a chance. Mick was such a distraction that he nearly forgot to answer back Mick's reply of, "Yeah." His hotter half was good at this. Distracting him so he felt like some dumb blond that looked into a guys eyes too long or kissed a guy til it struck him stupid when pulled away. In any other setting, he’d be reprimanding himself for being so _transparent_ but it was nothing but a moot point now. “Good.” He finally answers as he leans ever more into his partner’s touch. 

_****_

**Author's Note:**

> Because y'all requested this but also this work was a team effort with lilcucumber from our adventures writing about these two. I provided Len's POV but if you haven't read Mick's POV it can be found here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10669221
> 
> This is my first fanfic && my first time actually getting my lazy ass to write on here specifically so I hope you enjoyed!


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